Recently, in my Twitter stream, someone posted “perception is projection.” Interestingly, I had never seen this familiar Freudian idea expressed quite this way. While not a big fan of Freudian psychology, I do think many of his ideas have some weight. And the notion that people have a tendency to ascribe their own undesirable thoughts and emotion to others seems to hold up in every day experience.
On some level, projection is something we all do. So, the ability to recognize it and deal with it in ourselves is useful in enhancing our own self-mastery. That’s a challenge in itself. Yet, it becomes even more complicated living in a world where the projections of others achieve a kind social mass with the potential to become a movement. And that has it’s own consequences. In either case, though, the anger generated serves as a kind of social control that holds people back. And it’s an obstacle to problem solving.
So, when you make an accusation or hear an accusation, it’s really important to step back and re-evaluate – but not by focusing on the accusation. Instead, turn on the lights. Look at the bigger picture. It’s the best way to see the right steps to achieving the best possible outcomes for yourself, and others.
Just before it was cancelled, my wife started watching Ugly Betty, and recently started watching past seasons on DVD. It’s a visually stunning show… and well, let’s face it, I got sucked into watching some episodes. My theory was that there must be career-related lessons there. While I’m still sorting that out, I think there is something to be said for how Betty finds a way to wade through anxieties and humiliations to keep a (mostly) positive outlook that helps her move her career forward.
Perhaps one of the more stunning elements of the show is the mean-spirited competitiveness of the office environment. Surely it’s a caricature of office politics, but a striking one nonetheless. Still, there seems to be a lesson about perseverance in the face of a hostile environment that could translate well to “real life.”
Today, it seems, we’re all living in an increasingly hostile environment. At times, incivility seems to be the driving cultural dynamic. Frankly, it’s all too easy to be treated rudely if you express a contrary point of view in a conversation. It wasn’t always this way, of course.
When I first moved to the Southeast, I learned that good manners allowed two ways to be critical of others. One was to add, “Bless their heart,” to whatever criticism you made; the other way was to preface critical remarks with, “Not to be ugly, but…” At least it was an attempt to be polite, however feeble.
Frankly, ugly is ugly.
Yet, even a passing nod to manners is better than what we’re now witnessing. Maybe things will change. Maybe they won’t. Yet, if Betty has a lesson for us, it seems to be this: There is integrity in continuing to stay good hearted and to give it your very best no matter how ugly the world around you may be. After all, in the end, it worked for Betty. It can work for you.
